New Year, Same Feelings
The nostalgia of leaving my hometown.... again
January 1st 2026:
I got assigned the aisle seat on my way back to New York. I must say, after spending ten days in Puerto Rico, I’ve never felt more lucky and happy with my life. I’m not sure if it’s because its been almost eight years since I spent New Years with my family or simply because I was reminded, multiple times, that it’s the simple moments in life that matter most.
Believe me, It’s easy to forget the simple moments when you live in New York. In the middle of chaos and nonstop planning.
My family was complete for the holidays, for the first time in years. We celebrated, laughed, hugged, played dominos, we did fireworks in our back yard, we sang parranda classics, my grandmother drank with us, we ate pernil, and took many pictures, this was our moment as a family. Nothing compares to this. It’s sad when I have to say goodbye. Leaving my childhood memories behind, my lovely family, waking up next to Mila, my best friends from high school, the beautiful place I call home, those foggy mornings at my grandmas house while she prepares her coffee and listens to her daily mass, the wholesome drives along the coast, and much more.
I always say I’m gonna move back to Puerto Rico. I look for apartments, apply for remote jobs in the states so I can have a good income while living back home. I see what the logistics are if I move there. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as it sounds, specially with my nursing degree.
So I sit here in the aisle seat as I think about my next steps in life. Do I want to leave my life in New York behind? Everything I’ve built in New York is so precious to me. My heart aches just thinking about leaving. I mean, I met the love of my life in New York, I met amazing people that eventually turned into my family, I reconnected with my high school friend and we created such a special bond. As I create a list of pros and cons, I come to the realization that leaving New York will break my heart.
And I know, I shouldn’t make decisions based on “friends” or “boyfriend” but they’re not just that.. they’re my family, my rock and they make New York a special place. Even when my G train doesn’t work in the mornings, when it’s less than 20 degrees, or when I can’t take the city chaos anymore.They make all of it worth it!
To my Rolinping group, if you are reading this… I love you all so much!
Living in the unknown or uncertainty is very hard. I feel stuck, standing on a balanced scale. If I go left I feel unbalanced. If I go right I feel unbalanced. What should I do? No one ever knows to be honest. I guess that’s part of life. It’s not easy to feel this sad. Sad that I can’t have it all.
At the end of the day I’m young and eager to explore. But I always end up wanting and needing to explore my heart even more. Next to my family and friends.
Do I want to cry right now? Yes of course!
All I can do is take one step at a time. Get back to New York, spend time with Joey and our 2 cats, finally see my friends after the holiday break, start working again, and just live. Wishing for something magical to happen as if my life will change without me making the hard choices because, honestly, I don’t want to!
Both sides of the scale scare me, so I stay put….
Here’s to a 2026 filled with more clarity about the future.
Thank you for reading.
With love,
Yami<3
